


The Guilt He Holds Inside

by Lizbeth11496



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Sad, semi happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-24
Updated: 2017-06-24
Packaged: 2018-11-18 07:47:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11286819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lizbeth11496/pseuds/Lizbeth11496
Summary: Three part short story of Eren and Levi meeting for the first time and their life together. Don't really know how to summarize this.





	1. The Meeting

**Author's Note:**

> Very short little thingy-ma-do that I typed at 3-4 a.m. Sorry for any mistakes.

_ “Hi! My names Eren. What's yours?” _

_ “… Levi” _

 

It had all started with a simple act of kindness. Eren had seen the man sitting on a park bench, his head held in his hand, a sorrowful expression on his face. Eren didn't know what possessed him to walk over and ask him for his name. He just knew that the look on the other man's face made him ache, he knew he had to do anything, everything he could to make him happy. After that first day Eren would often go to the park in hopes of seeing the man again. Sure enough every day the man would be sitting there, on the same bench, waiting for bright emerald eyes and fluffy chocolate colored hair to invade his line of site. The days went on, Eren meeting Levi in the park, his face lighting up every time he spotted him. They would take walks through the woods, Eren pointing out different types of birds and flowers, rambling on and on about the wildlife. Levi gripping about the dirt and bugs. Slowly as time went on more and more touches were being passed between them. It started out with shoulder bumps and turned into Eren grabbing Levi's wrist, pulling him along to their favourite spot, a small circle of trees, an opening above for them to gaze at the crystal blue sky. When he felt brave Eren would slide his hand closer to Levi's, nothing touching but their pinkies. The leaves changed, the animals came and went, and the plant life grew as they got closer. Pinky touching turned to hand holding, hand holding to holding each other in warm embraces. Kisses were stolen from one another and laughter was shared. The scenery changed from their secret spot to amusement parks, small town restaurants, and the bedrooms of their homes. Kisses were followed by the caressing of thighs, and the sound of two people in love. The time went on and they were happy. Eren would be quick to inform anyone of the love he had for Levi. Eren was happy, Levi smiled, and their tiny town was peaceful. Everything was bliss. 


	2. The Hurting

_ “How's your little pet Levi? He's always following you. He's like a dog. Do you actually care about him?” _

_ “Who, Eren? You know I don't actually want him. He's just a fuck toy to me.” _

_ “You.... You don't love me?" Erens bottom lip wobbled as his words tumbled from his mouth. He couldn't keep the tears from streaming down his cheeks making wet blotches on his shirt. His chest ached, feeling like it would cave in on itself at any moment. He ran, and when his legs felt like giving out he ran some more. He ran and he never looked back.  _

 

Years passed slowly. He didn't know Eren would be there that day, waiting with a smile on his face and a light in his eyes. Levi saw him shatter that day. Levi shattered him and now they we're both paying the price for it. They would see each other, in stores, walking down the sidewalks. Eren looked drained more and more as the days went on. He would see Levi with friends, see him with  _ others.  _ Eren would walk around aimlessly most days, bags under his eyes, arms crossed over his chest, head down. At night however, he would sit there, tears in his eyes, a towel stained red sitting next to him. He would wonder if it was him, ask himself what he did wrong, why he wasn't good enough for Levi. He would cry until he passed out on the floor, to wake up the next day just to do it all over again. 

Levi saw him. Saw his tear stained cheeks, the pain on his face. He saw the marks Eren so desperately tried to cover with his sleeves. He couldn't bring himself to do anything. He would watch Eren any chance he got, wanting to run and apologize. He was afraid; afraid of hurting him even more. Levi would go home and sit on his bed. Thinking about the pain he caused to the one he loved. Levi had been hurt before by men, he assumed Eren would do the same. He wanted to protect himself by not getting attached. Now he sat there, tears in his eyes, a small yellow bottle with a white cap sitting next to him, an unsafe amount of the contents missing. The only way he could get sleep. His eyes slowly started to shut and his nightmares began. Fears of one day waking up and Eren being gone. Instead, Levi would wake up everyday and see the face of the boy he broke.


	3. The Guilt

_ “Why didn't you tell me. Levi I would never hurt you like those men did.” _

_ “You...forgive me?” _

_ “Of course I do. I love you more than anything in the world.” _

It took time and it was hard but Eren forgave him. He still had doubt. He would often space out, wondering if he was truly loved, only to come back to Levi looking at him, guilt evident on his face. He would smile and continue on with his day. Levi didn't smile. He hardly ever smiled anymore. He was afraid, he didn't want to hurt Eren again, he told him he loved him everyday, apologized every chance he got. But there were times Levi would catch Eren with a distant, pained look on his face. Levi knew how lucky he was for Eren to allow him back in. Eren would tell him not to worry that it was fine, to not feel guilt. But Levi did. The guilt was eating away at him day by day. It was gnawing at him leaving him raw and in pain. He couldn't even imagine how Eren must feel. 

They would talk. Mostly Eren, who would recall the first days they met. How happy he had been when Levi had first kissed him. They often went back to the woods, to walk through them, to try and let the pain go. Levi grabbed Eren's hand and led him through the thick trees to their secret spot. The place where their relationship had begun. They laid there looking at the sky, hand in hand. Eren’s thoughts were filled with love and happiness, thinking how nice this was, praying it would continue forever. Levi thought of Eren, his spacing out, the thin white lines on his wrists, the tears he would wipe away from the boy's cheek while he was asleep at night. He thought of Eren’s face in the previous year's, pain carved into it by Levi's knife of immaturity. Not again. Levi would spend every waking moment he had making it up to Eren. No matter what he had to do, no matter how difficult, Levi wouldn't hurt the one he loved a second time. His guilt will never leave. It will burn into him for the rest of his life, and he deserves it. He’ll give Eren anything and everything to see him smile like he once did. Levi looked over to eren. 

_ “I love you Eren Jaeger and from now on I'll give you the happiness you deserve.” _

_ “And I'll give you my love for all eternity.” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The End :)


End file.
